last LR... HIMYM style

"kids, im going to tell you an incredible story...." in the years leading up to your (later on down the road future) existance (dont ya'll go getting all excited now), i did a lot of stupid things. your father can likely vouch for that (and he will be sure to point out how many times he tried to pursuede me not to do said stupid things). sure these things didnt feel stupid to begin with:

"OMGyouguysihavethisGREATawesomeINCREDIBLEidea!!!!"

(everyone goes running.... crickets.....)

but as time went along, it became clearer and clearer that the idea wasnt so omgincredible after all...

like, for instance, in the spring/summer of 2012 when i decided to run a marathon. well i had originally decided to run zero marathons that year (that would have been a smart decision... but since were talking stupid decisions....), then i went back on that idea thinking "OMGILOVERUNNINGSOOOOOMUCH" and instead decided to run 2 marathons, not zero. training for my first five marathons hadnt gone all too well, so i decided i was now way more hardcore all of a sudden, kicked it up a notch, found one of the most ridiculous (yet still semi-manageable) training programs, and crossed my fingers. (yes, this is clearly how awesome people train for marathons).

so i ran, and i ran, and i ran some more. and i complained a lot about running. i bought ridiculous outfits and neon colored compression everything, and then i ran more. i think you get the idea.... (i also drank a lot of beer... but thats another story for many other days).

but heres the funny thing, kids- i really do love running. but i have found out the hard way, and maybe one day you'll find out for yourself, running sure can royally f**k with your mind.

"heres how you run a marathon. step 1: start running. step 2: there is no step 2."

kids, when you run marathons you figure out that you are truly a part of the x % of the worlds population that might actually be certifiably crazy (i even have a certificate for this craziness... from the InSane AsyLum). but the best part? youre totally not alone! you meet all sorts of other crazies just like yourself! and you hang out with them to make yourself look less crazy. logical thinking right there. so crazy SB and myself decided it was a great idea to do our very last long run before our race on one of the hottest days of the summer at peak temps (we at least waited til it cooled down to 89). running hasnt killed off all of our common sense just yet....

after sending multiple texts back and forth during the day...

 "im pretty excited to run 2,398 miles later... ugh"
 "i would prefer to sit and drink beer"
 "we'll be alright... when its over"
 "pancakes, coffee, and potato chips are good pre run fuel, right?"
 "whose idea was this anyway?"

...we finally took off. 22 miles, here we come...

"its gonna be legend-... wait for it... and i hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!"

465 feet into the run, we stumbled across this:

we made the executive decision NOT to try whatever white liquidy dairy

sort of product this was that someone clearly left for SB

(funny, we both are lactose intolerant....)

as much as we (ok, just me....) wanted to turn around after those 465 feet, we continued on. and when we got into portland we found a better way to refuel in the form of water (a novel idea vs sketchy milk bucket on the side of the road):

drink this, not that. hi dad!

"kids i cannot stress this enough. 'SB' and i were going through a tough time."

as much as i wanted to believe it was getting cooler, i dont think the temperature was dropping. if anything im pretty sure it was getting hotter. by mile 11 my legs were hurting. were talking sheer pain. im pretty sure i had already drank enough water to fill a small pond. instead of feeling the "water bloat", i think all the water had settled into my thighs. (this is also super attractive incase you werent aware). ive felt like this before on training runs and i knew i could still finish (maybe). i also knew that if i didnt have SB running next to me, and knowing i would fully sabotage her kick ass training run, i would have called ty and had him pick me up. yes, i was ready to bail at mile 11.

at mile 12.6 "home" by dierks bentley came on my playlist as we were running over the casco bay bridge. bridges are tough to begin with and i was seriously dragging. i felt as if i couldnt lift my legs (im fairly convinced they each weighed 110lbs... full of all that water). i had to sprint ahead since SB was flying along like a little firefly, loving the sunshine and enjoying the view, to tell her i needed to stop for a sec. i took the pic below and saw i had a text from my lovely texan lady- "chandler watches shark porn!" as i was this close to tears, i just had to laugh seeing that. who wouldnt? you have to love a friend that sends daily "friends" quotes. x1000.

yes, this is my home.

"when it's just not there, you cant force it"

i tried to keep pushing it but i didnt have it in me. 8:40s turned into 9:20s. i needed to stretch at every mile. i kept thinking back on my other marathons when my time didnt really matter. i brought snacks and my cell phone with me and enjoyed the miles, whether they were 9 minutes or 17. it was all still the same distance. do i even care about going fast anymore? why am i doing this? i can just run the marathon on july 27th like all my other ones. thats my comfort zone, not this....

"the future is scary. but you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar. yes, it's tempting... but it's a mistake."

after dodging traffic (where i was secretly hoping to get hit by a car) we stopped at dunkin donuts and for 25 cents we each got a large cup of ice water, which we practically drowned ourselves in, sweating all over the store (youre welcome, DD), shoving ice cubes down our sports bras, and somehow regaining our love for life.

as we headed out for the last 5 miles, i swear i heard SB yell "SUIT UP!"

 we kept counting down the miles but they seemed to be taking forever. i kept repeating to myself just one foot in front of the other... all this training for the past 15 weeks hasnt been for nothing...

"all that work i put in training for the marathon was a total waste!"

"training for a marathon? you dont train for a marathon. you just run."

just. run.

finally we were on the home stretch. 3 miles, turned into 2... turned into 1... i made SB run laps around the end of my street to make sure she really understood the true meaning of hating running...

and then we got to my house. 22 miles, albeit not pretty by any stretch of the imagination, complete. final long run DONE. time.for.TAPERMADNESS! (see kids, even when us crazy stupid runners complain about the 55 mile weeks, the 200 mile months, the 3:45am wake up calls all to get us to taper before the big race, we still add "madness" to what we've waited 15 weeks for! special. kind. of. stupid).

and officially passing out (part 1)

"sorry dude, we gotta wait for the real thing, no matter how tough it gets."

"it gets pretty tough."

"i know it does buddy."

but we obviously make running look good. and neon. and badass.

"hey, how was your day?"

"today i yelled at a little girl for drawing a rainbow."

"a rainbow? sounds like that bitch had it coming."
(pretty much how i felt about running yesterday. and i love that quote, so i had to fit in here somewhere)

passing out part 2: my view

passing out part 2: SBs view

11 miles sub 9, 11 miles not sub 9

average mile 9:02... ill take it

(read much better recap from the how other half lives HERE. and as if she ran again today. overachiever.)

but you see kids, in the end... "sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things..."

19 days...