heavy heart

on friday morning i started a "fun fact friday" post. something ive done over the past two years on and off... stupid shit no one probably cares about but i make myself laugh sometimes writing it. as i was writing it, the news came on tv about the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT. as i sat on my couch, horrified at what was unfolding, i knew i couldnt finish that fun lighthearted post.

i have no words to accurately convey how i am feeling at this moment, 18 weeks pregnant with our first child. over the past few years i have struggled with the idea of bringing a child into this unpredictable and seemingly angry, messed up world. i cannot come to grips with why someone would do such horrific acts as we have seen recently... movie theaters, shopping malls, innocent children, loved ones, family members...

something is wrong, very very wrong. and i dont think there is any one answer on how to fix it. i do not, however, believe this is a gun control issue. i have a lot of feelings about guns and im not going to go into it on here. i also have strong feelings about mental health issues, religion, and the like. like i said before, there is not one answer as to whats going to stop all of this, and i feel sad that people cant feel safe anymore doing everyday things.

as a soon to be mother, i am already in love with this child i havent even met yet. i cannot even begin to imagine what the families in CT are going through. i read the articles that say the same thing over and over. im glad that the media is starting to focus on the heros of that day vs. the cowardly acts of the killer. no one should ever have to bury their children. and a week before christmas... it all just makes me sick.

i pray that they can find strength.